


I'm Alone, No You're Not

by mylifeissocoollike



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Duelling, F/M, James Potter - Freeform, Lily Evans - Freeform, Verbal Abuse, and their newest album, fighting voldemort, first wizarding war, inspired by the band Joseph, jily, writing this because it's october which is the month when we feel all the jily feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:09:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8223338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeissocoollike/pseuds/mylifeissocoollike
Summary: This is the story of James Potter and Lily Evans. How they fell in love, fought a war and made the ultimate sacrifice for the son they loved and barely got to know.





	1. Canyon

**Author's Note:**

> I've been listening to Joseph's newest album "I'm Alone, No You're Not" on repeat for *days* and every song makes me think of Jily. So this will be a fic of short drabbles to go with each song on the album and follow their last year at Hogwarts all the way up to their death. It might get smutty, it'll definitely get angsty. Let's go.

_Can't get, I can't get /_ _Can't get close enough to be close to you / Can't get, I can't get there /_ _An inch is a canyon_

*****

The last time Lily had boarded the Hogwarts Express with her heart in her throat was back in first year. Ever since that first ride to Hogwarts, her anxiety had melted away and she always felt relaxed on the train. She and her friends had their favorite compartment and she always bought a licorice wand from the trolley. Overall, it was always enjoyable and she looked forward to the ride to Hogwarts.

Not now.

“Oi, what’re you waiting for?” Mary asked. Lily had paused with her hand on the door to their compartment. With Mary standing behind her it was causing quite the traffic jam in the corridor.

“Sorry, got distracted,” she murmured as she slid open the door and took a seat beside Marlene. Her friends looked at her in confusion but she just subtly shook her head, and told them it was nothing. And for a moment Lily was able to convince herself that she was perfectly fine. She could definitely handle this.

As the train began to move and they got further and further away from King’s Cross, however, she realized that she might not be fine at all. Her heart was in her throat and her lungs were tightening, making it almost impossible to breathe. She wondered what was causing these symptoms. And she came to two conclusions.

First: She was nervous about the meeting on the train. As Head Girl, she would have to speak in front of them and tell them what to do. It’s not that she was afraid to, she just really didn’t want to eff up her very first meeting with them.

Second, and the more likely conclusion if she were being honest with herself: She was going to see James Potter.

 _Bloody hell_ , she thought as she pictured his stupid, handsome face and felt her stomach twist into a knot. Yes, it was definitely the thought of seeing him that was making her feel this way.

But why? Last year he had been pleasant enough. They had even fallen into a nice balance of friendly chit chat with only occasional bickering. She had enjoyed it even.

But at the beginning of the summer when they found out they would both be Heads, he had written to her. And for some reason she didn’t quite understand, she found herself writing back. Their conversations quickly turned from discussing their duties to discussing their lives and Lily was writing a letter to James bloody Potter almost every day. And the really funny thing was that she was _receiving_ a letter every day.

Surely, James had better things to do than write her? But his letters always came and she found herself looking forward to sitting down and reading the long and thoughtful messages from him. He talked about his day, asked her about hers, commented on what she had written the day before… It was like he actually enjoyed their written conversations.

Which was probably why she was so nervous to actually see him. Because what if he saw her and remembered that he was just her friend and co-Head. What if he saw her and realized that they never were and never would be more than that, despite what Lily had felt herself feeling and hoping during the last few weeks of summer.

_Foolish girl, falling for your friend._

She shook her head, trying to get the thoughts out and this time Marlene _really_ raised her eyebrows at her. Clearly they knew something was bothering her. But glancing at her watch she knew that she had no time to explain. It was time to see James, ready or not. Fine or not.

“I have to go to the meeting,” she said as she got up and brushed herself off.

“Don’t scare those new prefects too badly.” Marlene said.

“Say hello to James for me,” Mary said. Her friends shared a smirk at that and she flipped them off as she stormed away. _Of course_ , they knew he was what was bothering her.

Hands shoved into her pockets, she concentrated on the floor as she made her way to the compartment where the meeting would be held. She and James had agreed to meet there ten minutes early, so they could go over their plans one more time. Honestly the thought of being alone with him for that long and the things they could do during that time made her face go red.

“You gits better not eat all of that while I’m gone or I swear I’ll hex you so hard that you can’t walk right for a week!” Suddenly, James Potter was bursting out of a compartment and laughing over his shoulder at the mixed responses coming from within.

Lily, in her effort to focus on anything but the thought of how his bare skin would feel against hers, almost walked straight into him. She halted inches away and when he turned to her she could feel the warmth of his breath. James smiled at her in that confident, easy going manner of his and instead of feeling a spark of irritation like she normally would, Lily felt something completely new.

“Look who I found!” he grabbed her arm and pulled her fully into the doorway. Cheerful hellos greeted her and Remus asked how her summer was.

“Sorry, boys, I’m afraid she has a date right now. She’ll catch up with you later,” James said as he grabbed a handful of biscuits and led Lily down the corridor. “Here, my mum made these. You’ve got to try them, they’re fantastic. They’re what I was warning those gits not to touch when we bumped into each other. I swear they always eat all the things mum sends.”

As he passed her the biscuits he continued to ramble on about his parents, the boys, and the journey to the train station. Lily was acutely aware of the gentle hand on her elbow, guiding her down the corridor with him. Her mind whirred as it repeated his words over and over: _she has a date_. How many times over the past month had she wished for that to be true?

When they finally got to their meeting place, they talked for a bit about duties before the prefects started to trickle in. And as they held the meeting, Lily found herself unable to keep her eyes off James.

Her arm still tingled where he had touched her and she wondered what it would feel like to be touched by him elsewhere. Her neck and cheeks warmed at the thought but she found that she really did not care. She couldn’t get enough of him and couldn’t believe she had lasted an entire summer without seeing him. Just being in the same room as him made her feel weak at the knees. She had felt herself falling for him over the summer and as she drank him in during that meeting, savoring every time he ran a hand through his hair or laughed at something a prefect said, Lily knew the feelings were real.

Brilliant. He was so brilliant.

Screwed. She was so screwed.


	2. SOS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to @carpensortia on tumblr for reacting to the last chapter with "JILY DENIAL. JILY PAIN. JILY FUCKING AROUND BEFORE ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP. THE GOLDEN TRIO OF JILY TROPES. EMILY HAS DONE WELL" This one's for you fam.

_I know I want you but I'm drowning in fear / I'm finally ready / Help me up, up out of here_

*****

The first month of school was always the hardest. But this year was worse than usual. James was finding it much harder to get into the routine of school. He’d wake up late for breakfast, dawdle in the halls on the way to class (more than usual), and wait too long to complete assignments.

Peter suggested that the stress of being Quidditch Captain _and_ Head Boy was turning him into a procrastinator. Remus suggested that he had taken too many bludgers to the head. Sirius suggested that he was simply too distracted by a “certain red head” to function properly.

Sirius was right, of course.

James tried not to think about the affect Lily Evans was having on him. Every time they had rounds together, he tried not to think about how her skin had felt that day on the train when he had briefly touched her arm. He tried not to think about how the rest of her would feel.

And really, even though he wanted to touch every inch of her, he found it easy to take his mind off of it when he talked to her. Their conversations were always interesting and exciting and he always wanted to keep talking to her after they finished their rounds. They usually did. They’d curl up on a sofa in the Common Room together, facing each other with their feet entwined, and talk about their lives. At first it had begun with recapping their summers, then it turned into stories of childhood and past school years. He found that he loved hearing her tell him little things about her day, like what she had for breakfast and how it reminded her of a porridge her mum makes.

“You’d love my mum, I’ll introduce you some time,” Lily said one night when she was telling a story about Mrs. Evans having a hilarious mishap trying to stuff a turkey.

“It’d like that,” James had whispered as he stared at her over his mug of tea. He could’ve sworn Lily blushed but she was facing the fire so perhaps he was mistaking the glow of it on her face for something more. But there was a smile there and that was a good sign.

So he continued to slowly fall into a routine. Quidditch practice, Head duties, mischief with the boys, and falling in love with Lily. Despite how odd it felt getting used to all these new feelings, there was still the one thing that had become a constant in his life.

The first full moon since they returned to school was on the last Tuesday of the month.

“You don’t have to come James, you have practice and Head rounds the next morning I don’t want you to be tired,” Remus had said. But James knew the first moon of the year was always the hardest for Remus. So he went anyway  and kept his friend as safe as he could.

The next day, the rough night had clearly taken a toll on him. Getting up early to fly laps with the Quidditch team and work on a few plays before breakfast didn’t exactly put him in a cheery mood either. But he went to class and he tried his best to act like he wasn’t affected by the lack of sleep. If Sirius or Peter let anything slip to Remus, who was spending the day in the hospital wing, he’d be banned next month for sure. He couldn’t let that happen.

As he trudged through the halls after his final class, he wondered if he had time for a quick nap before dinner and rounds. As he dreamed about how soft and warm his bed would be, he suddenly hear a sharp voice coming from down the hall.

“I can’t believe they bothered to let filthy Mudbloods like you back this year.” Someone sneered. Snapped from his reverie, James began to walk faster so he could break up the fight he felt brewing.

“Wow, _mudblood_. That’s a compound word, Mulciber, I didn’t know your vocabulary was that advanced.” James knew that voice. That voice turned icy cold when angry and yielded sarcasm so sharp it could blind you. It was the same one he had listened to by the fire nearly every night for the past month and had wondered even more often how it would sound screaming his name in bed.

“What’s going on here?” he tried to sound casual as he rounded the corner and found Lily facing two Slytherins and a Ravenclaw. All of them were at least a head taller and a foot wider than her, with dumb scowls on their faces. Honestly, he didn’t think the odds would have been in their favor anyway.

“These boys and I were just having a lovely discussion about ethics,” Lily said sweetly. She turned her body towards his and James somehow knew she was getting ready to fight. His heart clenched and he had to shove the thought of her fighting these morons away before he started to worry about her. She didn’t need to be worried over. He knew she could hold her own but part of him feared the worst anyway.

“Evans, you bitch. Stop hiding behind Potter,” the Ravenclaw said. James couldn’t remember his name but they had had Charms together fifth year. The man was always loudly telling his friends what he liked to do to women and the sudden thought of him doing that to Lily made James sick. He tried to fight the pounding in his head that always started when he was angry as he drew his wand.

“Ok you lot, let’s get a move on before I deduct points from your houses,” James said. He touched Lily’s back as a gesture that she should start walking with him. She followed, acting nonchalant but James could feel just from a light touch how tense she really was.

As they approached, the three parted for them. But once they were close enough, Mulciber suddenly leaned in and spit in Lily’s face. For a split second, James froze. And then, without thinking, he pushed Lily back so there was no one in between him and Mulciber when he punched the Slytherin square in the face.

He was pulling back to get in another while Mulciber and his cronies were still too shocked to react when a shield charm suddenly sprung up around them.

They all looked to Lily, who had wiped her face while they were distracted. James couldn’t believe that she still looked so dignified, controlled, and calm despite the rage that he saw flashing in those brilliant green eyes. He loved her more than ever in that moment.

“Twenty-five points from Slytherin,” she said. “And from Gryffindor.”

James’ jaw dropped as she simply turned and walked away. Once she was around the corner her shield lowered- a silent gesture that he should follow her. He ran after her before the other three could fully process what had happened to them.

“Bloody hell, Lily, what’d you take points from us for? He started it!” James said after they had put some distance between themselves and the others.

“Because you _hit him_ , James! I don’t care if it was to defend me, I can’t play favorites. I have to take points away from you for fighting like that!” She sounded so exasperated and James felt shame bubble in his stomach. He had told himself that he would be better. So far he had been, but he was just so exhausted after last night he hadn’t even taken a second to think rationally before he socked Mulciber. He was still so tired that he almost missed what Lily said next.

“It was a nice punch though.” He whipped his head in her direction and she was grinning at him. It was a full smile that lit up her eyes entirely. James loved it when he was on the receiving end of that brilliant smile.

“I know you could’ve done it yourself,” James said as he ran a hand through his hair and tried to will the heat rising to his neck to just go away. Glancing at Lily though he saw that she was grinning even wider than before, and seemed to be fighting back a blush of her own. The sight made his stomach do little flips.

“I’m just so tired today, I wasn’t thinking straight when it happened and just went with my gut,” he went on as they walked toward the Common Room. Feeling like he still needed to explain himself, he added, “I didn’t really sleep much last night.”

Lily slowed her walking so that James had to stop and look back at her. She was biting her lip in that adorable way that meant she was thinking about something important. The realization that he knew her expressions that well made James smile. And now that they were standing alone in a deserted hallway, he thought that he just might kiss her. He wanted her. He wanted her so badly.

“Were you with Remus last night?” she asked.

And suddenly all thoughts of pushing her against the wall disappeared.

* * *

Lily had known about Remus since third year. It wasn’t hard to put the pieces together and she was amazed he still managed to keep it from the other students. Apparently none of them seemed to care or notice when he said he was feeling “under the weather” and spent a day in the hospital wing once a month after a full moon.

But Lily knew. And she always slipped into the hospital wing the day after with some chocolate and a book he might enjoy. She tried to do it when she knew the Marauders would be in class and Remus seemed to realize that because apparently he never let on to his friends that she was visiting him.

Lily had figured out that the boys spent the full moon with him last year. Their odd, unexplainable disappearances the night of and their exhaustion the next day were evidence enough that they had found a safe way to be with their friend. Remus wouldn’t tell her how they were doing it, only that it would get them in trouble if the wrong people knew. So she pieced it together from there.

That morning when she visited Remus she could tell that it had been a rough night. So she wasn’t at all surprised to see James in the state he was in all day. But _punching someone_? For her? He must have really been exhausted to be doing things like that because she almost swore that he was being protective. That he cared about her safety.

_Friends do care about each other you know_ , she chastised herself as they walked to the Common Room after The Incident.

And friends was all they were. She hadn’t convinced Mary or Marlene of it but she had managed to convince herself this far so she might as well continue with that path of denial.

“Were you with Remus last night?” she found herself asking to avoid the desire to just grab him by the front of his shirt and snog him senseless. That shield charm earlier had been as much to keep James from starting a full on brawl as it had been to keep her from jumping into his arms. The feeling wasn’t going away and she needed to talk about anything else.

The look on James’ face was worth revealing that she knew about their ruse.

“You can’t tell anyone,” James said very seriously after she explained how long she had known and how she had figured it out.

“Oh piss off,” she blurted. He raised his eye brows and she blushed a bit before taking a deep breath. “James, despite how illegal it is, I approve.”

“You- you do?”

“Of course. I love Remus and if this helps him during his transformations then I support you. Just keep him safe.” Her neck grew even warmer as she added, “And yourself.”

A look of relief passed over James’ face and he smiled at her. Lily felt her _entire body_ growing warm at that. One look from this man was all it took to undo her.

Despite everything that had been happening so far that month- the impossible assignments, late night Heads duty, relentless slurs thrown at her by other students who were starting to call themselves Death Eaters- James was becoming a steady point in her life. He was like a life raft, keeping her afloat in this mess.

But as she walked back to the Common Room with him, she felt an inkling of fear clutch her. What if this wonderful man, with his dark, unruly hair, crooked glasses, kind smile, and caring heart- this life raft- were to be dragged down by a weight that was just too much to bear? What if she, with all the negative attention that was aimed at her, was that weight?

“The next time you see them bothering me, James, I don’t want you to do anything,” she said.

“That’s ridiculous, Evans.” His hazel eyes shone as he looked at her and she knew, from his use of her last name and the look on his face that he was quite serious about continuing to be with her. To protect her even. She wasn’t sure what to think about that.

“You’re a pureblood James, they’ll leave you alone if you stop associating yourself with me.”

James grabbed her arm and forced her to stop and look at him. He hadn’t touched her like this since that day on the train. Sure there were the moments on the couch when their feet tangled together, moments when they walked together on rounds and their hands brushed, but this was different. Her breath hitched at the intensity of the look on his face. The growing warmth between them could melt steel.

“I’ve been their enemy for years, Lily,” James said quietly. He gripped both her arms so hard she wondered if it would leave a mark. She honestly didn’t think she’d mind it. But then he loosened his grip, like he realized what he was doing and was choosing to be gentle with her. The idea of it made her dizzy.

“I started being their enemy the day I pants-ed Mulciber in first year because he was trying to look up girls’ skirts,” James continued. “And ostracized myself even more every time I stood up to them for calling someone a slur, every time I stood in between them and their targets, and every time I punched them back. They consider me their enemy for beating them at Quidditch, getting better grades than them, and for taking Sirius in. Everything I do is wrong to them and against what they believe in, Lily. But I wouldn’t change that for the world. And if being with you means I’m going to get into fights with them even more than usual, then I’m prepared to fight them every second for the rest of my life.”

Lily stared up at him as his words sank into her skin and latched onto her bones. His declaration was the kind that clanged through your skull and left your ears ringing. The very idea that he would want to fight for her that way- that he would put aside his easy way into their good graces, his blood status, and choose to be with her despite that it would turn them against him for good. It was all too much for her to process.

So she did the only thing she could think of. The one thing she had wanted to do for weeks. She leaned in and kissed James bloody Potter.

In those first few seconds he seemed surprised. As if after that entire speech he gave, he still expected her to reject him. But then his lips started moving against hers and he deepened the kiss. It was wonderful, of course, but in that moment all she could focus on was how his hands moved from her arms to her waist so he could pull her tight against him, like he was holding her above water and promising to never let her go.


	3. Blood and Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The middle of this chapter is heavy- it deals with verbal abuse and attempted sexual assault. This will be the only chapter that's this bad.

_I will stay til the end of the line / Would you carry, could you carry / Would you carry these troubles of mine?_

*****

Lily would never forget the day she kissed James for the first time.

After James had pulled her closer to him, his kisses quickly became heated. He kissed her fervently, with more passion than any one had ever kissed her before. And in between he kept whispering “Finally, Lily, finally.” He radiated happiness and excitement and it sent shivers up her spine. Eventually, she took his face in her hands and stilled him. She gazed into his hazel eyes, the bright flecks gold sparkled as he gazed at her.

“Finally,” she agreed, before kissing him slowly, sweetly. She could feel him grinning against her lips and it brought a smile to her own. He broke away from their embrace and, holding her hand, led her to the nearest private space he could find- a broom cupboard.

“Romantic,” she said with a smirk.

“Don’t hide how impressed you are behind that sarcasm, Lily, I see right through it.”

But their banter was cut short because as soon as the door was shut their lips met again. James darted his tongue across her lips and Lily groaned. She backed him against a wall as she began to tug his shirt from his jeans and run her hands over his skin. They continued like this until their stomachs began to growl and they knew it had to be nearly dinner time. She could feel her already flushed face grow redder at the thought that she had just spent at least two hours holed up in a broom cupboard with James Potter. But it had been so wonderful, she’d do it again in a heartbeat.

As they walked back to the Common Room together, Lily felt like she was on fire. Every inch where his hands had been still tingled and she longed for more contact. The memory of James’ mouth on her breast as his hands slipped beneath her skirt and caressed her inner thighs made her mind go fuzzy. She could only imagine what it would feel like if he had gone a few inches higher, to where she had been longing for him for longer than she would admit.

When she and James finally walked into the Common Room holding hands, Remus, who had just gotten back from the Hospital Wing, jumped to his feet and let out such an enthusiastic cheer one would never have guessed he had been bed ridden just hours earlier. Everyone in the vicinity smiled at them, and whispers of “I knew it!” and “You owe me a galleon!” came from multiple students.

Sirius, after patting James on the back and hugging Lily so tightly she thought her ribs might crack, suddenly turned to Remus.

“Well, I guess I can do this now,” he said. Remus smirked at him and didn’t look a bit surprised as Sirius strode to him, took his face in his hands, and kissed him.

“Are they-“ Lily stammered.

“Together? Now they are, it seems.” Peter said.

“I told Sirius that if I finally found the nerve to make a move with you, he’d have to do the same with Remus,” James said.

“Took you long enough,” Remus half-shouted from where he was still snogging Sirius.

“Oi! If you were so impatient why didn’t you just make a move on Padfoot yourself!?”

“Fuck off, James I had to pretend I knew nothing.”

“How about all of you prats fuck off, some of us are trying to study!” A fourth year in the corner of the room shouted. She turned crimson red when all of them turned to stare at her but when they began to laugh she seemed to relax. Soon the whole Common Room was laughing with them and Lily was dragging James out the way they came.

“Let’s go get something to eat, yeah?” she said. He nodded and took her hand in his. For the first time, Lily realized how perfect the fit was.

“Hey wait for us!” Remus said from behind them.

“Yeah, just because you two are finally together now, doesn’t mean you can get away from us that easily James,” Peter said.

“If anything, Lily is part of the gang now,” Sirius added, a mischievous grin blooming on her face.

“Yeah, part of the family!” Peter exclaimed.

And Lily found that they meant it. As the weeks wore on, James and the lads were almost always with her. She never thought she’d enjoy their company so much. But they really were amazing friends. They made her laugh, helped her study, shared sweets with her, told her stories about their various mishaps- revealing their map and cloak in the process- and, most importantly, they took care of her.

It seemed that ever since the incident with Mulciber, the attacks were becoming more frequent. Instead of only a few times a week, they seemed to be occurring daily. But it quickly became clear to her that James was serious about what he had said that day- he was determined to fight them every step of the way. And so were the others, as they were constantly there to act as her shield and lessen the blows from the so called Death Eaters.

“You’re nothing but trash!”

“Oi! Don’t forget me, I’m a blood traitor!” Sirius would shout back.

“Filthy mudblood!”

“You never told me you were muggle born, Lily!” Peter would gasp dramatically.

“Scum!”

“I’m confused, was that one about me, the bisexual, or Lily, the muggle born? Really you guys should learn to direct your insults better,” Remus would say.

“Muggle bitch!”

“Lily, are you in the Bitch Society? If you are please give Sirius’ mum my regards,” James would say.

For the most part, their comments helped and they could laugh at the dumb struck expressions on the other students’ faces. But often, they found themselves on the verge of fights- sometimes with their fists and sometimes with their wands. Lily would quickly assert her Head Girl authority and nothing major had occurred yet. But it was almost the end of the term, and she could tell that everyone was on edge. Anything could happen.

On the final day of exams before they were set to go home for Christmas Break, a Potions exam was all that stood between Lily and freedom. She finished the exam with relative ease and when Sirius- who was still working- met her gaze, she shook her head. She wasn’t going to wait for him to walk back to the Common Room with her. She wanted to go to her room and finish packing her things for the train ride the next morning, she didn’t want to wait. She gave him a reassuring smile and slipped out of class on her own.

“Ah, look, the lovely Lily is without her entourage.” She heard as she reached the foot of the staircase out of the dungeons. She turned around, slowly drawing her wand as she did, and saw Mulciber emerge from an alcove a few meters away. He leaned against the wall and grinned- the casual nature of it sent a bolt of fear through her.

“As are you, Mulciber. Did you finally grow a pair and come to face me by yourself?” Lily was tired. She was so tired of all the bullshit and without her boys there to crack jokes, she found she was doing it herself. Or trying to. It was pretty hard to make being cornered in a dark hallway with a lunatic like Mulciber into a humorous situation.

“I was just taking a stroll,” Mulciber said as he stalked closer to her. There was something predatory in that walk and Lily clenched her jaw. “And I wondered, _what is so appealing about Evans that makes Potter ruin his potential by associating with her?_ ”

“James has ‘ruined his potential’ by associating with others too,” Lily said. She could smell him now. He reeked of sweat and Lily fought the urge to gag.

“Eh, blood traitors, homos, half-bloods and half-wits- none of them as bad as shacking up with a mudblood.”

“So what brilliant conclusion have you come to, Mulciber? Why does James ‘shack up’ with me?” This was getting old, it was getting so _so_ old. Lily was ready to go home, back to the muggle world where for once she could blend in and be normal.

“Simple. It must be the sex,” Mulciber sneered. Lily’s blood ran cold. “Why else would he stay with trash like you? You’re a good screw is all.”

“Go to hell.” Lily took a step back but before she could turn and run up the stairs, Mulciber grabbed her. His grip on her arms was like a vice. Uncomfortable and threatening. Every nerve in her screamed that it was too tight- that it meant danger and she should run.

“Oh come on, don’t you like fucking purebloods?” His face mere inches from hers and Lily fought the urge to turn her head and escape the feeling of his hot breath on her face. Instead, she spit in his face just as he did to her months earlier. For a second, seeing the look on his face when it happened was worth it. But then pure anger washed over him and she began to fear that she had made a terrible mistake.

“You fucking cunt.” He spun her and slammed her against the wall. Lily’s head snapped back and for a moment she saw stars as her head hit the hard stone. The shock of the cold, damp wall was all that kept her from passing out. She honestly wished she had passed out- so she couldn’t see Mulciber as her roughly ran his hands up and down her body. So she could escape the image of him ripping her blouse open being seared into her brain.

 _Close your eyes, don’t watch_ , the part of her that had already given up whispered. And for a moment, she almost did.

_No! Fight him! Kill him!_

The second Mulciber’s hands touched the bare skin of her torso, her body erupted into flames. She was a fiery rage and she _would not_ let this happen to her.

Taking advantage of Mulciber’s distracted state Lily braced herself and brought her knee up hard into his crotch. As if Merlin himself had finally noticed the injustice happening in the dingy dungeons of Hogwarts, Mulciber didn’t even have a moment to catch his breath. Lily watched, quite pleased, as Mulciber was pulled away from her by none other than James.

“This is for my girlfriend,” James said as he punched the Slytherin in the face.

“And this is for calling my friends homos.” He pulled back and punched him again.

“And this is for calling them half-wits.” Another punch.

“And this is for-“

“James, love,” Lily stepped forward and laid a hand on James’ shoulder, stopping him from ruining the man even though every part of her wanted him to. “He seems to be unconscious.”

“Oh,” James stared at Mulciber and let him go. The student slumped to the floor and Lily felt nothing as she stared at his pathetic, bloodied face.

_He deserved it._

“Are you ok?” James asked her, finally turning to face her straight on and Lily gasped at the sight. His eye was already swelling and there was a nasty gash above his eyebrow.

“James, how the hell!?”

“Mulciber seems to have more brains than we give him credit for,” James ran a hand through his hair. Even with a banged up face, he was so damn attractive when he did that. “He had two of his lackeys waiting at the top of the stairs. To stop you from escaping or help from coming I assume.”

“James, come here,” she led him to the bottom step of the staircase and made him sit. His eyes widened and his neck grew red as she stripped off her shirt. That small reaction from him made her smile at least.

“Mucliber ruined it already anyway,” she murmured as she tore the fabric into pieces and started staunching his cut. They sat in silence for a moment- each of them assessing the other for further damage.

“Did he hurt you Lily?” he asked quietly, covering her hand that pressed the shirt to his face with his own and stroking the back of it with his thumb. He knew that that comforted her. And her heart pounded at the gesture- the effort to calm her and show her that he was right there.

“Not as badly as he wanted to.” Even covered by blood and her shirt, Lily knew the expression on his face was slowly turning from horror to pure rage. She leaned in and took his chin in her free hand, forcing him to look her in the eye.

“Listen to me, James Potter,” she said sternly. “What Mulciber did to me was traumatic and I’m not saying that it won’t haunt me. It’s going to be hard to recover from, especially when I think of how far he would have gone if we hadn’t stopped him. But I am going to be okay. I don’t want you to go fighting him the next chance you get. All I want you to do is be here for me and help me get through this.”

“Of course, Lily.” He leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to her forehead. They smiled at each other, basking in their happiness and the relief that they were going to be okay.

“How on earth did you know, anyway?” Lily asked a moment later, as James was shedding his shirt for her to wear as they walked to the Hospital Wing together.

“Have you ever heard of two way mirrors?” His sly smile made her roll her eyes and he told her about the mirrors he and Sirius always carried with them. Apparently, when Lily had left the exam, Sirius had managed to send James a quick message that she was alone and headed to the Common Room. James, using that ridiculous- and brilliant- map of theirs, had tracked her down easily.

He told her how he had gotten to the top the staircase that led to the dungeons and had it out with the two Slytherins Mulciber had left to stand guard. Apparently, they fought a lot like the muggles they despised and threw pretty hard punches. As James was occupied with them, he heard most of the things Mulciber said to Lily and knew that getting to her was urgent. He somehow managed to slip past the Slytherins’ punches long enough to draw his wand and Stun them. That’s when he had run down the stairs and found her.

Lily shook her head at it all. The idea of him putting himself in danger and not going to get a teacher made her worry. But he had done it all because he knew that there was very little time before Mulciber took anything he wanted from her. He had done it to save her. And that was when Lily truly realized that James Potter loved her, and would stay with her through anything. He’d be there ‘til the end of the line if she wanted him to be, there was no doubting it.

Although- there was one more thing she wondered if he would face for her.

“James, my family is going to dinner in London tomorrow night after we arrive at the platform. Would you like to come?” Lily asked.

“I’d love to.” The genuine grin on his face told her that he really would. She only hoped that by the end of it he hadn’t completely changed his mind about staying with her.

* * *

 

“Petunia! Petunia, come back!” Mrs. Evans exclaimed as her eldest daughter and her fiancé stormed out of the restaurant they were in. Mr. Evans let out an exasperated sigh and glared at his plate. Lily stared at the napkin folded in her lap and tried to hide the tears streaming down her face.

James felt like a prick.

He hadn’t meant to get into a pissing match with Vernon! It was just that he had always been rather honest about his wealth and if Vernon was going to brag he felt that he had a right to do so too. He didn’t know the little weasel would get so offended by it. Why talk about such things if you were just going to get angry when someone had more than you? James didn’t understand muggles sometimes.

But that didn’t mean he didn’t feel like an arse as he watched Lily cry. As if noticing he was watching her, she quickly excused herself from the table, saying she needed some fresh air. That left him alone with her parents.

“I’m terribly sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Evans,” he said after a moment of tense silence.

“It’s alright James, you didn’t mean to upset him,” Mrs. Evans said.

“Still, I think it best that I leave,” James said as he slowly rose from his feet and extended his hand to both of them. Mr. Evans shook it, and Mrs. Evans got up and gave him a proper hug instead.

“I’m glad that you both finally came to your senses and stopped all that childish arguing,” she said as she pecked him on the cheek. James blushed and muttered that he would hopefully see them soon and slipped out of the restaurant.

James quickly spotted Lily on a bench near the entrance to the restaurant and sat down beside her. She hadn’t brought her coat with her and he noticed that she was rubbing her hands together and sniffling. He wasn’t sure if the last part was from the cold or the crying, but he took off his coat and draped it around her shoulders.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, James.”

“If I hadn’t opened my bloody mouth, they wouldn’t have gotten angry.”

“All Petunia has done for the past six years is find a reason to get angry at me. Ever since I came back from my first year at Hogwarts and she realized she would never get to go, she’s gotten worse and worse. I’m not even surprised that tonight turned out this way. If it hadn’t been you, she would’ve found another reason I’m sure.”

“That’s not right.”

“It is what it is, James.”

“It’s not fair that you’re treated like this.” James began to feel anger build in his chest. “At school you’re treated like dirt because you’re a muggle, but at home, your sister treats you like dirt because you’re a witch! You can’t win!”

“I know, James,” she said quietly. She laced her fingers in his and rested her head on his shoulder. Thoughts began to spin in his head. The idea of this wonderful woman finally having a place to belong in the wizarding world and then having that ruined for her by these Death Eaters and their leader disgusted him.

It was getting worse. He knew it was from the articles in the Daily Prophet and the tired, on edge appearance of the wizarding parents on the Platform earlier. More and more attacks were happening each week and people were scared. Being outside of Hogwarts for the first time in months finally made the situation feel real. This wasn’t just some out of control bully at Hogwarts, this was a psychopath intent on taking over the world.

 _Voldemort_. The name sent a chill down his back, as its owner probably intended. But James found that the name also did more to him. It enraged and disgusted and most importantly, inspired him. A sensation that had been prickling in the back of his mind for the past few weeks finally took over him. This was a war that was starting, and he wanted to be a part of it. He wouldn’t sit scared and watch Voldemort ruin lives. Not when he could stop it.

He looked down at Lily and thought of how much he loved her. How this wonderful woman had already been through so much and how he just wanted to create a better world for her. For them. A fire was lit inside him and he was ready to fight. Somehow, he knew she was too.

“Lily, would you come to visit me after Christmas? There’s something I want to show you,” he said, already formulating a plan in his head. They would all do it- the Marauders and Lily. They would be a team.

“Of course, James,” she said.

As he kissed her goodbye and watched her go back inside to her parents, James marveled at how she had agreed without asking any questions. How she had immediately trusted that whatever he had to show her would be a good thing. Her trust in him flooded him with joy and he knew in that moment that they could get through anything together. And that she loved him too.


	4. Hundred Ways

_Don't know what to say, don't know what to do / Split a hundred ways when I'd really like to follow you / Creatures gonna run, people gonna move / I don't really know what I'm getting myself into_

*****

The days leading up to her visit with James were torturously slow. Although he wrote her every day, Lily felt an ache in her chest at his absence. How had she ever been able to live without seeing him every day?

On Christmas day, James’ owl came with a parcel. In it was the most beautiful quill Lily had ever seen. The note from James said: _So you can write to me in style_. But Lily knew it was so much more than a cheeky gift. He must have seen her staring at it through a shop window during their last visit to Hogsmeade. It warmed her heart to see that he paid attention to all the little things.

She gave the bird her present for James and went about the rest of her day. Even Petunia couldn’t upset her that day as she thought of seeing her wonderful boyfriend in less than twenty four hours.

But that night she finally received her copy of the Daily Prophet, and the happiness that had been warming her all day suddenly left and she turned cold.

“4 Dead in Christmas Day Attack” read the headline at the top of the paper. Lily’s hands gripped the paper tighter as she began to read the short article that followed.

_At eleven thirty this morning a group of six masked “Death Eaters” entered Diagon Alley through the Leaky Cauldron. Alessandra Potts, a maid at the Leaky Cauldron, fired a stunning spell at the group and was killed on the spot. She was the only one to attempt to prevent them entering. Others in the pub tried to send warning signals to other Diagon Alley businesses. Only Ollivander’s reported receiving such a signal._

_Upon entering Diagon Alley the Death Eaters began firing curses seemingly at random. Their intent seemed to be more to damage property than to kill, but two bystanders were struck and fatally injured by flying debris._

_As the group made their way toward Gringotts, Aurors arrived on the scene. The “Death Eaters” suddenly became defensive, according to witness accounts and began duelling the Aurors. Finally, five of the group retreated. The last Death Eater remained long enough to fire a killing curse at Auror Paul Fletcher before disappearing on the spot._

_The Auror office refuses to comment at this time. Check back with the Daily Prophet for more on this developing story._

Lily slowly lowered the paper. She had been seeing more and more stories like this since her return from school. She had been reading the Daily Prophet over and over again since she had very little else to do and it seemed that in only a week attacks, especially on muggles and muggleborns, were becoming more frequent. _It’s almost as if an entire sect of Voldemort’s following was just released from school and can finally unleash their aggression and hatred on the world_ , she thought bitterly.

She thought of all the harassment she had been dealing with at school for the past three months. She had thought it was bad at Hogwarts but the news in the Prophet confirmed that it was about to be so much worse. Voldemort’s followers were growing- in number and strength. Their successful attacks would only boost their confidence and make them double their efforts, thinking that no one could stop them. Lily’s stomach rose to her throat as she realized that Hogwarts was about to become just as bad as the outside world if no one started standing up to them.

“They have to be stopped.”

Lily heard the clock downstairs chime midnight and she realized just how long she had been staring at the Prophet. Very tired, but very determined, she crawled into bed and eagerly anticipated seeing James the next day and telling him that she was going to fight back.

* * *

“You look lovely,” James said as Lily approached him. He spread out his arms and she pressed herself into him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist and breathing in the scent of him. He smelled like trees, fire, and chocolate and Lily knew he had been out late last night.

“How is Remus?” She looked up at him. There were dark circles under his eyes that he had tried to hide behind a grin, but at the question he finally resigned himself to talking about it.

“It wasn’t too bad, he’s recovering at home and might be well enough to join us later.”

“Join us?” This was the first time James had hinted at what they would be doing that day and he smirked.

“Come on, you’ll see.” He took her hand and began leading her down the road.

They had originally planned to meet in the Leaky Cauldron that afternoon, but after yesterday’s attack Lily had asked him to meet her at a muggle book store nearby instead. The changed meeting place didn’t seem to affect James’ plan and he walked with a bounce in his step.

“Thank you for the book of Quidditch plays by the way,” he said as they walked. In the back of her mind Lily wondered how James had become so familiar with London.

“I know it’s not a very special gift,” she muttered, thinking about what he had given her.

“Not special!? Lils I’ve been going on about that book for weeks! You know how much it’ll help the team to have the newest plays on our side? It’s quite special to me.”

A blush crept up Lily’s neck and she couldn’t keep the smile off her face. Over the past few weeks moments like this had really shown her that he cared for her just as much as she cared for him. She knew he would stand with her no matter what. Remembering that wonderful fact made her feel the need to tell him her plan to fight against Voldemort even more urgently. If he was going to be a permanent part of her life after Hogwarts, like she hoped he would be, he needed to know what she planned to do.

James pulled her down a small street. It was so cramped there that she wasn’t even sure it should qualify as a street. The city hadn’t even bothered to pave it and cobblestones likely a hundred years old still saw the light of day. The opposite end of the passage wasn’t even wide enough for a car to fit through and Lily could tell this area was so secluded that no one ever paid attention to it. Her interest piqued, she had to shake her head to focus on the issue at hand. She could ask him questions later.

“Wait,” she said, pulling him to a stop. James looked down at her. He was wearing one of his many Gryffindor scarfs, the jewel toned colors looked amazing on him and the gold made his eyes shine even brighter. Lily couldn’t believe how stupidly lucky she was to be able to stare at him as often and much as she wanted.

“Yes, love?”

Her stomach twisted into a knot. They hadn’t told each other yet. That they loved each other. But they used the pet name freely, knowing that the confessions were going to happen soon enough. Still, it really sent the butterflies into a frenzy when he called her that.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about,” she said, after realizing that maybe she had been staring into his hazel eyes for a tad too long. But he smiled at her and she knew that he didn’t mind one bit.

“I’d love to hear it, Lily, but I don’t want us to be late for our meeting.”

“Meeting?” He nodded and gave her hand a little tug. They slowly started walking down the street, and it became narrower and narrower.

“I suppose it can wait if we have an appointment,” she said. James chuckled at the skeptical tone in her voice and just held her hand tighter.

“Don’t worry, you’ll love it.” He winked at her and she couldn’t help but laugh at his secretive behavior.

James pulled up in front of a nondescript part of the brick wall. Grinning at her, he pulled out his wand and waved it in a pattern over the wall. Lily felt that it was quite similar to the entrance to Diagon Alley and wondered if this were some new entrance that he had discovered. _Leave it to James to do such a thing_.

But instead of the wall opening into Diagon Alley, a shabby wooden door was revealed. Only, it had a brilliant silver knocker that suddenly sprang to life.

“Password?” the knocker asked. She was truly confused now. What was this place that combined elements of the entrance to Diagon Alley and Hogwarts dormitories?

“Butter hopscotch,” James said. Before she could ask what kind of password that was, James shrugged at her. She was momentarily taken aback by how he knew her well enough to anticipate the question. But then the door swung open to reveal a dimly lit hallway.

“Ah, perfect.” James pulled her inside. When Lily looked back the door had disappeared entirely. As they continued down the short corridor Lily heard voices becoming clearer. She thought that she recognized some of them, but shook her head. _Why would Professor McGonagall be in this place with a hidden entrance on an abandoned street in London?_

Finally, they reached a bright chamber at the end of the corridor and Lily couldn’t suppress the surprised gasp that escaped her. Gathered about the room were at least a dozen people she knew or recognized.

Marlene and Mary stood with Dorcas Meadowes, who had graduated the year before them and always snuck them fire whiskey when she turned seventeen before them. They grinned at her conspiratorially and she knew that somehow James had gotten them here without her knowing. Beside them were the other Marauders. Remus was sitting, but other than that he looked quite well considering the ordeal he had gone through the night before.

Toward the center of the room Lily recognized other students who had been a few years ahead of them at Hogwarts. Alice and Frank Longbottom. Fabian and Gideon Prewett. There were even a few Hogwarts professors standing among them as well as at least a dozen people she didn’t know at all.

And there, at the very center of the room, stood Dumbledore himself. Beside him were Professor McGonagall, just as she thought she had heard, and Mad-Eye Moody, whom she recognized from seeing his picture in the Prophet. Lily shrunk back as all three turned their gaze toward her. What was this place? What were all of these students, professors, and aurors doing together in this secret room? James’ hands gripped her waist and she was comforted by his presence.

“Cutting it close as usual, Mr. Potter,” McGonagall said.

“Ah yes, but as you can see I am exactly on time,” James replied. Lily couldn’t help but gawk at the two. James was talking to her like an old friend and McGonagall was _letting him_. In fact, she swore that the corner of the woman’s mouth twitched into what might’ve been a smile.

“Well,” Dumbledore interrupted, “now that we’re all here let us commence the meeting.”

“James, what the bloody hell have you brought me to?” Lily asked as he led her toward their group of friends.

“Just listen,” he whispered.

Lily turned her attention back to Dumbledore, who seemed to be waiting specifically for her to be quiet. She tried not to blush in embarrassment. She hated for him to think less of her simply because she didn’t know what was going on.

“Since we have some new comers today,” Dumbledore said. “I think it is fit for me to say, _welcome_ to the Order of the Phoenix.”

* * *

If James’ mother were there, she would’ve slapped him for biting his nails. But he couldn’t help it, he was nervous. He didn’t even care about the lecture McGonagall was going to give them after Dumbledore stopped talking about how this is a dangerous decision that they shouldn’t jump into until after they graduate. What he cared about most was what Lily thought of the meeting.

He watched her almost the entire time but her face was mostly blank. Or controlled rather. He could tell she was watching her emotions and not revealing too much too soon. _Such a smart girl_ , he thought.

James had had a few weeks to warm up to the idea of joining the Order. Before they left Hogwarts, he and Sirius had snuck to Hogsmeade to buy some Christmas presents together. There they had run into the Prewetts. Despite being four years older than them, the Prewetts had always liked the Marauders. It must have been their similar tendencies for mischief that drew them to each other. That and James spent a lot of time with them while they were on the Quidditch team together.

They had gotten a pint together at the Three Broomsticks that day. When Sirius asked them what they had been doing since leaving Hogwarts, their answers were vague. After getting another pint into Gideon, he cracked and quietly told them about the Order. He promised to send them information about the next meeting and did so on the day before they left Hogwarts. James felt like it was fate seeing them again. Their enthusiasm for the Order had quickly rubbed off on him. He could hardly sit still when he read reports in the Prophet about attacks by Death Eaters. He wanted to join already. He knew McGonagall and Dumbledore wouldn’t let him yet, but it couldn’t hurt to start showing his intentions early on.

Staring at Lily, he hoped that she would feel the same way. He didn’t want his decision to put a strain on their relationship. He would make it work obviously, since he loved her too much to let her go easily. But he worried that she wouldn’t like him throwing himself into a potentially deadly fight. What if it was too much for her?

Lily suddenly broke out into a grin and James’ anxiety melted away. That was the look he had been waiting for. The glint in her eyes that gave away how excited she was, the scrunching nose showing that she was planning something, the wide toothy smile that was all enthusiasm with a hint of mischief. If anyone had been on the other end of a look like that they might have been worried about what Lily Evans was planning to do to them. James had been on plenty of occasions. But this time it was all he wanted to see.

After Dumbledore finished talking, the Order members split up into groups. They were likely discussing yesterday’s attack, what they knew, and what they could do about it. James ached to join them. He wanted to help. The more help they had now the more efficiently they could end this before it got worse.

“Marlene, is this why you haven’t been answering my letters?” Lily hissed as their friends finally relaxed and started chatting.

“Sorry Lils, but that was my doing,” Mary said. “You know how badly she keeps a secret, I had to make sure she didn’t slip.”

Marlene rolled her eyes and flipped them all off. But she was smiling despite the teasing from her friends. In fact, they all were smiling. The group was filled with an energetic buzz and James knew that bringing them all here was a great choice. Dumbledore had convinced them. They were joining. They were ready to fight.

“Ah look at who it is.” James looked up as Fabian draped an arm around his shoulders.

“We were starting to worry you weren’t coming, mate,” Gideon said. He ruffled James’ hair and then made his way toward Dorcas. Marlene wrapped an arm around Dorcas’ waist and pulled her close protectively. _That’s new_. Gideon laughed at them and Dorcas covered her bright red face.

“So what did you all think?” Fabian asked.

“It was wonderful!”

“Amazing!”

“I’m so inspired!”

“When can we join?”

“Not now.” A stern reply and all the grins faded from his friends’ faces. James slowly turned and there was McGonagall.

“Now, Minnie, I’m sure you don’t mean that,” Sirius said.

“Mr. Black, I mean it whole heartedly. I have spoken to Dumbledore and we have decided that all those who are still in Hogwarts are barred from joining the Order until after graduation. Even then, it is highly advised that you do not join until you have had training. May I remind you that many of the people in this room are highly experienced in their fields, especially the aurors.”

“But, Professor, you let Gideon join! What is he experienced in? Is he so wide that you lot just use him as a shield?” Marlene asked. Gideon, still standing near her, punched her in the arm. James had to give her credit for not wincing at that.

“Gideon and Fabian Prewett have done quite a lot for the Order, Miss. McKinnon,” McGonagall said.

“And so will we,” Lily said. McGonagall looked at her, seeming unsurprised that she had spoken up. She raised an eyebrow but still said nothing. James gripped Lily’s hand tighter, a show of support that she smiled faintly at.

“Professor,” she continued, “you must know that the number of attacks has increased since Hogwarts let out for break. How does a group increase its activity without increasing its numbers? Clearly, our own classmates are joining the Death Eaters and attacking innocents and they aren’t even out of school yet. Imagine what it may be like in a few months when they have graduated. I’m sorry, but we’re joining the Order because whether you like it or not, we’re needed here. Please, have some faith in what you have taught us these past seven years and let us help end this war.”

Everyone stared in awe at Lily. It was as if they hadn’t expected such a rousing speech to come from her. They were fools to doubt her. James felt her warm hand in his and it was like her essence was seeping into him. His arm tingled, his stomach twisted, his heart pounded. This was right. Lily’s declaration just fueled the fire that had been smoldering inside of him. He wouldn’t ask for anyone else to be by his side in this moment.

Finally, a small smile bloomed on McGonagall’s face. The woman was damn proud of them, he could tell. But she was also reserved. She had the right to be. The burden of sending these kids she had helped raise into war to possibly not return was a lot to force on her.

“Miss. Meadowes you may join as soon as you please. The rest of you are to wait until you have graduated.” With that McGonagall left them and rejoined Dumbledore.

His stunned friends gradually let out whoops of victory. The Prewetts each clapped him on a shoulder each and whispered praise to him for getting them all there before they went to speak to others at the meeting. Sirius high fived Mary. Dorcas stood on her tiptoes and kissed a rather surprised Marlene. Lily jumped onto Remus’ lap, hugging him harder than she should have in his state. James watched them all with a smile on his face. They had done it. They had been accepted into the Order.

They were ready to fight back.

* * *

He and Lily walked hand and hand down the street. They weren’t really going anywhere. They were just walking- enjoying each other’s company and talking quietly about everything that had happened since they saw each other last. Finally, they ducked into an alley and apparated to James’.

“Lily it’s wonderful to see you again,” Euphemia said, greeting them as soon as they came in the door. James often wondered if she had a map of her property like his map of Hogwarts. It was a silly idea but one he never could shake.

“Is there any supper left, mum?” James asked as they took off their coats and shoes.

“Of course, there’s curry in the kitchen.”

He pulled Lily toward the kitchen and started serving them both some supper. She had been awfully quiet since they arrived and he wondered what was on her mind. _She’s processing the meeting, give her time to think_ , he told himself. He was just grateful the Marauders hadn’t come back yet. He and Lily needed time to talk by themselves.

James watched her from across the table, her dark red hair gleaming in the light, her expression thoughtful. _Merlin_ , he loved her.

He had to tell her. He didn’t care that they were tired and had mouthfuls of curry. After what they had been through together today, he had to let her know how much he loved her. That he couldn’t wait to join the Order with her and fight for their future together. He may not know what he was getting into by joining the Order, but he sure as hell knew that it would be okay with her by his side.

“James.” He looked up at her and the roaring passion in him suddenly gave way to a flurry of butterflies. _Where is your Gryffindor courage_ , he chided himself.

“Yes?” He spooned another heap of curry into his mouth to buy himself time to gather his nerves and _just tell her_.

“I love you,” Lily said.

He started to choke on the curry. Lily was by his side in moments, patting and rubbing his back. He wasn’t sure if his eyes were watering from the spicy food that was caught in his throat or the emotion he felt after hearing Lily say that. He had waited so long to hear it, it was probably the latter.

“Well I guess I could have picked a better time for that,” she murmured as James composed himself. She was leaning against the table now and the light framed her perfectly as he looked up from his seat.

“Nonsense,” he said before pulling her down into his lap. Gently, he took her face in his hands and looked at her intently.

He wanted to remember the way her eyes twinkled as she smiled at him. He wanted to remember the way her freckles stood out after a day outside.  He wanted to remember her eyes fluttering closed and her lips parting. He wanted to remember the feeling of her hair tickling his fingertips and the way their noses brushed as she closed the distance between them. He wanted to remember the softness of her lips as he slowly kissed her and the nerves he felt as he pulled away. He wanted to remember this moment forever.

“I love you, Lily.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took 3 months, I hope it was worth it! I've changed my tumblr url to [swearwolflupin](https://swearwolflupin.tumblr.com/) so come say hi :)


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